Happy Mother’s day to you if you are celebrating today! I know this can be an emotional day for some – with highs and lows – I’ve experienced extremes of both with this most powerful relationship.
Perhaps you are struggling right now to come to terms with a difficult relationship with your mother, maybe your mother hasn’t loved you in a way you wanted to be loved, could it be that you are simply wanting something you are never going to get. The following sentence can be a difficult one to swallow but it’s true – ‘You may NEVER have the relationship you want with your mother’. But what I can tell you is you can have complete peace of mind.
Healing is all about you and NOT your mother; it’s your story, your journey, it’s not about making amends with her, discussing how she should or could behave, building a relationship with her – it’s all about you and this is why it’s so powerful because very simply it will change your entire life.
Did you know that the mother-daughter relationship is one of the most intense relationships you will ever experience?
This relationship is so powerful that it affects the interaction with your partner, your children, your friends and yourself. This incredible bond, which was once based on love, can turn to anger, resentment and guilt ruining your whole life.
I am so pleased that you have joined me here as I really do want to share with you some of my painful journey and how I was able to heal such an incredibly toxic relationship with both my mother and my eldest daughter. The transformation has been that incredible I feel compelled to share my message.
Here Are My 11 Top Mother Daughter Relationship Healing Tips That You Can Start Today!!
ONE – STOP trying, stop trying to – make things work, make things better, please your mother, say the ‘right’ things, ‘do’ the ‘right’ things as it doesn’t work. You may have been trying this for years and feel even more disappointed. So no more TRYING.
TWO – Have NO EXPECTATION from your mother – when you call her do not expect her to respond in a certain way, do not expect her to be happy for you, sad for you, hug you, cheer you on or be interested in anything you have to say. When you stop the expectation you also protect yourself from being disappointed.
THREE – Understand that you DO NOT NEED anything from your mother – YOU ARE ENOUGH. You really do not need her affection, her praise, her validation, her approval or her love because you are enough. So STOP the NEED.
FOUR – All the above behaviours are exhausting so you should slowly start to feel a sense of relief and a small weight lift from your shoulders as the TRYING leaves you. With this renewed energy you can now start to work on yourself.
FIVE – The HEALING is all about YOU. For perhaps the first time in your life put yourself first, which means taking time for you, meeting your needs, meeting your own expectations, making you feel good. You’ve probably even forgotten how to do this after all of these years.
SIX – During the self-healing process, you will become aware that you are RESPONSIBLE totally for yourself, there is no blame involved here. You are totally responsible for every action you take. Subconsciously because of my mother’s behaviour towards me I blamed her for everything that went wrong in my life, even the financial decisions I had taken. Nothing was my fault. I FACED my situation and accepted I had got myself to this place in life totally by myself.
SEVEN – Looking after yourself – start a gratitude diary, writing with emotion each night all the things you are truly grateful for. Write a list about yourself of all your amazing qualities to remind yourself that you really are a wonderful person. You have a choice as to believe what your mother ‘says’ about you – are those horrible things really ‘true’, do others think the same as your mother? In reality, NO none of it is true so write the TRUTH about you – all those fabulous qualities you have – Read this daily.
EIGHT – Do something daily for you, exercise, eat well, take time out for you, get to know who you are. You are learning about yourself, this journey isn’t about anyone else. Seek help, ask a friend, a trusted family member, a mentor, a coach, a councillor…..someone you can confide in who has your best interests at heart.
NINE – As you see yourself as the person you are you will gain confidence so start writing out your own story. Really look at how you see life and how you want to see life. This can be very powerful.
TEN – Make a list of your clear boundaries, what is acceptable to you and what isn’t, by doing this you will begin to see clearly what it is you want and also you will start to gain control again of your emotions. You will not be manipulated anymore as you see your own self with more clarity.
ELEVEN – The healing process is one of acceptance of who you are, letting go of the lack of need for your mother’s love in any form, re-writing the perspective of your past and finally the forgiveness for both you and your mother.
I have outlined a few of the points that I went through myself and take the women I coach through which have had profound effects on my life as well as my clients so I encourage you to start TODAY!
Allow peace and love in your life, find clarity in your relationships, release your anger and resentment, feel that forgiveness by letting it all go by downloading and watching my ‘Mother-Daughter-Dance-Healing’ Video NOW.