August 2017

Wisdom & Spirit

When all you know is love: understanding Autism.


I don’t really believe in confining our ever expansive nature into something small and rigid like a label or diagnosis, such as Autism, but for the sake of writing this blog, I’ll be using it…

This article is hard for me to write, because up until now, I have largely been denying who I am, in an attempt to fit in with the norm. I have hidden away from who I am because of a fear of appearing “different” or “strange”.

Growing up, I always found people to be really odd. I never really understood the way people interacted with one another. I spent most of my time growing up, alone, in silence. Some of my first words were “I by self” as I refused to let anyone help me with anything- I was determined to do everything alone.

I always wanted to be alone because I could feel what was going on in other peoples minds and bodies and it overwhelmed me. I’m sensitive as f*** and I feel absolutely everything. I can feel the beating of the Earth’s heart, the Schumann frequency, within my own heart. The thoughts of animals and of other people. And I never found this to be a problem when I was younger. I used to love it. Until I realised that in order to get by in life, I had to give it up and try and fit in.

I remember trying to buy friendships in grade three. I used to bring my wish stones to school, wrapped in newspaper and I would give them to the girls at school and ask them to be my friend. In grade four, a boy in our class, Leo, passed away from a heart defect. I laughed hysterically and got kicked out of class. Then I got moved schools that year and I decided to try a different avenue… to be the class clown. I used to run around, flashing my underwear to everyone as a way of trying to make friends. That would do it, wouldn’t it? Everyone loves laughing, don’t they? I really had no idea how to interact with other people. This has been the case, my whole life and to some degree, it still remains this way. I hide it well, but underneath, I really struggle.

I have taught myself how to fit into society and I do a pretty good job at it but to be honest, I still don’t really get it. Compressing myself and my expression to fit into the “should” and “shouldn’t”  structures that have been built is painful. Every day, after work, after pushing down my desire to sing, to dance and to laugh uncontrollably, I come home feeling flat and lifeless. And I guess, we all do to a certain degree. I look around and watch others and I see the same thing. People are tired. Flat. Stressed.

People don’t look at each other in the eyes. They hold their belly to protect their power centre because they are not doing what they love. Shoulders tense, from stress. Not breathing properly. Destroying our spirit and our birthright to experience the joys of life, because of this fucked up societal paradigm that has been created.

I have never understood the culture we have created because to me, joy is in breathing the fresh air from nature. It’s in standing and walking with my bare feet, connecting with the earth. Singing. Laughing until my belly hurts. Dancing. Being an idiot.

And whilst I don’t have a formal diagnosis of Autism yet (I am currently going through the diagnostic procedures), I have tested positive to being on the spectrum. And whilst I don’t care for the label, I’m doing it so that I can work with children that are also diagnosed because I know how difficult it is, to try and fit into a world where the innocence of love, has been forgotten.

If you don’t speak, there is something wrong with you. You’re disconnected from others.

But what if I was to put this to you: what if those that don’t speak are more connected? What if the reason they don’t speak is because they are connected, in other ways? The spoken word has always bewildered me, because the way that I am familiar with connected with everything, is through the heart. I understand the language of subtle energy. I communicate with everything, through the electromagnetics of the body.

Because when you understand the world of the unseen and unspoken in this way, words become redundant.

Autistic children are sensitive to energy frequencies that go beyond the physical. And if you are only connected to the sensations that the physical world brings, its hard to understand how difficult it can be, to know these two worlds all at once. To try and integrate into the physical world, whilst being bombarded by stimuli from higher dimensional planes and realities, is really hard. To attempt to remain present when you have information constantly streaming through your mind, can be overwhelming. To try and hold a conversation, when you can hear every conversation, along with every persons thought forms, in a room, is enough to send you into panic and anxiety.

My sensitivity led me to addiction, at a young age. Addiction to food… to alcohol. I attempted to suppress and dull my senses, for years. But eventually, that led to mental and physical illness, which I suffered with for around 8 years. And after a long journey, I am now back to feeling, again.

I used to constantly beat myself up, because I wanted to be like everyone else. But over time, I have come to understand why  I have been brought down to this funny plane of existence, called Earth. It has only been in the past year that I have really started to accept myself and who I am; that I have started  to ask myself: what is it I am here to do? Because when you stop rejecting parts of yourself and instead, you embrace them, you realise that your uniqueness, is your gift. It is your offering to the world.

I have come to learn not to hide away from my capacity to feel but instead to acknowledge it as a gift, because it is what helps me to feel compassion. I know, now, that my struggle with being in social situations and my lack of desire to do many of the things other people want to do, like going out to parties or , doesn’t mean there’s something “wrong” with me… it’s just that I would prefer to be outside, in nature, feeling the ecstasy of being alive.

In fact, I believe we were all designed to feel good and to be in tune with nature. But when you’re intimately connected with the subtle vibrations of life, you cant stand the feeling of not being connected to them. When you know what it feels like to feel alive with life, you feel like you are withering away when you become disconnected from it.

I believe Autistic people, or those more attuned to energy, are able to see beyond all illusions and judgements. There is less capacity to put up with stories and bullsh**. There is an intolerance of anything that is not serving the highest good; that is not for love. This is why, it’s hard to fit in; to be social. Because when all you care for is the simplicities of life, such as love and laughter, then anything else becomes unbearable.

I have always loved observing everything. When I look at things, they talk to me. Why? Because everything is connected via an invisible web of energy. Mahatma Gandhi once said, “speak only if it improves on the silence”. Silence contains the language of joy and if you are attuned to this, you can feel the beauty of life, merely through breathing. Just like you wouldn’t ruin a good song by talking over the top of it, the language of the heart is the same. It is a feeling of ecstasy. And the heart is magnetic- it has a knowing. And when you are connected with this knowing, life speaks to you.

I believe that Autism is having a connection to the subtler energies in life. The ability to connect to and feel everything.

And from what I have observed, I can see that the children that are coming onto the planet, at this time, are divinely connected to the language of the heart and are here to teach us the way, back to love. Now, more than ever, it’s time to let go of our old ways of living, that bind us to numbing ourselves to life, so that we can return to knowing our true nature: joy. The children of the golden age will be the ones to show us the way.

It’s time for us to drop our need to define and to instead, start connecting with our capacity to simply be and to feel. For what truly matters in life other than our capacity to love?

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Wisdom & Spirit

Relax! It’s Mercury Retrograde.



I opened my eyes at 5am this morning feeling a sweet change in the air. It felt really good. Then I realized Mercury is officially in Retrograde.


Here’s the thing, I understand the panic around mercury retrogrades. Last night, I could barely form a sentence sometimes. My partner and I couldn’t stop laughing. Yep, it’s definitely mercury retrograde.

Mercury is in retrograde from today August 12th, all the way until September 5th, just in time for Virgo season. Woohoo!

Mercury is the planet of Intellect, Logic, Perception, Thinking, Communication, and Technology. These are the areas affected the most hence why I could form a sentence yesterday lol.

Who gets affected more during Mercury retrogrades?
Mercury is the home planet for Geminis and Virgos (Me). So if your Sun sign, Moon or ascendant sign is in Virgo or Gemini, you will feel its full effect. A great way to see how this planet, mercury, is personally affecting you is to look at your chart and see which house Mercury, Virgo or Gemini falls in. For me, mercury falls in my 9th house, which is the house of Spirituality. If I am to go within, what better house to work with. 

And for my beloved, Mercury falls in his 2nd house which is the house of Life values.  Which means for him, this mercury retrograde time will be a lot of reviewing, reflecting and fine tuning his life values.

If you don’t know your signs or have a chart, no worries. You can get your free chart here:

Retrogrades offer us a time to Reflect, Remember, Release, and Repair.

It’s the Cosmic Siesta.

And we get to experience this every quarter. How awesome is that? The universe always knows what we need even if we have no idea.

Mercury retrogrades in Leo and Virgo. What does this mean?
1. You may be returning to past projects and refining or tweaking them.
2. You may be looking at past decisions and ideas from a new, possibly enlightened perspective. Yei Virgo!
3. It is a time for learning (or relearning) what we love doing.
4. It’s time to think, not with the mind, but with the soul.
5. It’s time to say what you mean and mean what you say.

What should you do at this time?

1. Keep Calm, it’s only Mercury! It’s cosmic Siesta time!
3. Use your intuition rather than Logic.
4. Be flexible and go with the flow.
6. Slow down, meditate and do some journalling.
7. Reorganize, review, and reflect.
8. Back up your computers.
9. Take care of your car.
10. Accept that there may be hiccups, delays, miscommunications, and Melt-downs.
11. Be Gentle with yourself.
12. And lastly, RELAX, if I haven’t said that already.😁

This is a powerful time we are in. 

You are so loved.

Cosmic radiance coming at you!

Abigail, Moon Goddess.

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Wisdom & Spirit

What do when you’re in the sh*t


We have all been there. When everything seems overwhelming; on every single front. When things go to sh*t.

It is not about denying that these periods occur from time to time.  Rather, what can we do when we are knee deep in the sh*t?

How to make sense of things when you are knee deep in sh*t

We know that contagion of emotions is real.

If you’re coming into work and trying to lead your team whilst your life is falling down around you, it’s very likely that sense of panic and disarray will transfer to your team too. This stuff matters – both for you and for the impact it has on those around you.

There are three elements to how you make sense of things when you are knee deep in it.

  • Keeping yourself well so that you can deal with what is happening
  • Rationally observing what the issues are
  • Dealing with the issues

Keeping yourself well

The reality is that none of us are any good to anyone if we are not functioning well ourselves.

It is so tempting to de-prioritise our own health and wellbeing when life keeps sending the curve balls but the reality is this is the MOST important time to look after ourselves.

I wrote this Facebook post over the weekend:

Things have been busy with some stressy stuff thrown in recently. It is always so tempting to burrow in & work harder and harder, trying to juggle all the balls, that spin quicker & quicker.

If this feels like life for you at the moment – think about doing the reverse; by upping the self care.

It is the usual suspects, I’m afraid – but that’s because they work..

A small 3 minute meditation first thing in the morning, with perhaps some quick breathing exercises in the loo during the day. Food that nourishes the soul. Exercise that tells your body you appreciate all that it’s doing for you. Less of the stimulants.

Even if you do these things bit by bit – introducing them so they’re sustainable- you’ll start to feel a difference. The balls won’t spin so fast & you might catch the odd one before it falls to the ground!!

I’m taking my own advice – have been off the coffee for just over two weeks & have started my morning meditations again. I know these things will help – as will going to the gym as often as I can & having an early morning walk & talk with a dear friend.

If the balls are spinning out of control for you at the moment – what small things can you introduce that will start to rebalance?

None of these things won’t change the balls spinning of course, but they will alter your ability to view them more rationally & cope with them.

Rationally observing the issues for what they are

When we are overwhelmed, it becomes easy for everything little thing to add to the overwhelm.

A good tip here is to rationally observe what is causing you the overwhelm. If you’re too knee deep in it to see anything rationally, ask a sensible friend to help. Which of the issues are really contributing to the problem. Which can be easily dealt with in the calm light of day? Are there any which are just non issues?

My favourite trick is to ask myself- will this matter in one year or five years time? If not, and it’s contributing to overwhelm – let that sucker go! (Book week costumes – I am looking at you!)

Dealing with the issues

I know that this is sometimes easier said than done. When it feels like we are so stuck in the sh*t that we literally cannot move.

But breathe deeply.

Ask a good sensible friend or trusted colleague or coach to help.

And see if these tricks assist.

Circles of Influence

One of the sources of overwhelm and stress is trying to control things that we have no control over. Being able to see clearly what we control, what we can influence, and what we have ZERO control over can bring clarity (and peace) to the situation.

things go to sh*t
Circles of control/influence



And then, there is the very Buddhist concept of acceptance. It sucks not to be able to control every aspect of our life. But that is the reality. And even more so that we are often impacted by things that we have no control or influence over. But it is pointless agitating over these aspects of the stress.

Accepting the situation and then deciding to control what you can control is so empowering.

What we can control:

And there is lots that we can control. We can control:

  • Ourselves;
  • Our responses to situations and people;
  • Our mindset;
  • How we view a situation; and
  • How we choose to look after ourselves.


This post first appeared on

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Life Changes


This is for all the people who want more for themselves and want to go about the business of making it happen. This is for all the people who want a better life, whatever that looks like for them. This is for all the people who want it, can taste it, but just can’t get moving because they are petrified of the outcome. This article I have dedicated to you.

When embarking on a personal life change you are inevitably going to be met by some well-meaning, yet harsh critics. And normally these harsh critics are your nearest and dearest. “You’ll fail. Have you thought this through? What will your father/mother/husband/neighbour/friends think?” Or my ultimate fave, “I thought you were smarter than that.”

To all those well-intentioned people I say, “Go fuck yourself.” There. I said it. Go fuck yourself with all your “I was just looking out for you” bullshit. No you weren’t. If you were looking out for me you would have encouraged, prompted, promoted. Instead you wanted me to carry on just like you. Playing small and playing safe and not making any waves. Staying comfortable. But I am not like you. I want a better…different…authentic life. I want to wake up in the morning knowing I am doing my all. Knowing I am giving my all. Knowing I am on a path that fulfils all areas of my body, soul, mind and spirit.

I thank and bless you for your “concern” but I don’t want it. I don’t want it to define our relationship…”Oh look at poor *insert your name here*. She’s gonna land on her ass but I will be there for her when she does.” No. Screw that. That is not support. Pop the cork for me and be at the Formica table whether I make it or not. Celebrate the journey with me. I am fulfilling my life’s purpose. I don’t need for you to understand but I’d like for you to appreciate it’s what I must do.

My dreams don’t fit into a one-size-fits-all approach. They won’t be defined by what your garden variety dreams are meant to look like. And nor do they have to.

Pursuing these dreams means I forgo being accepted into mainstream society. Not much to say to the carpark mafia at school drop off. Not much to contribute at the water fountain in the office.

I belong amongst the books, the poems, the dreamers, the art. I exist amongst border control, visas, state lines, and embassies. I thrive in the mountains, deep in the sea, amongst the clouds, on stage, in books with good souls… I can’t be defined or explained. I just am.

So for those wishing to pursue a dream, don’t wait for anyone for permission, a nod of the head, or a right time. Most people don’t actually care and as for right times, there are none. Believe in yourself, your ability and your commitment. The rest is inconsequential. Just go for it with 100% commitment. Want it more than breathing. Really. And you, too, shall have it.


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