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January 2017

Money & Finance

How I Achieved Financial Freedom

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It’s time to get real and talk about something taboo – MONEY.

I had a big dream of living a wealthy life, yet before I turned 30, I found myself being a single mum and broke whilst climbing the career ladder. It certainly didn’t look like the picture I dreamt of!

The pain of having to struggle from pay cheque to pay cheque put me on the path of self-discovery about my own mindset that may be limiting me as well as a massive learning curve to empower myself with the financial know how.

Creating financial freedom is not an overnight change, however it is doable! Within 6 years from my 30th birthday I have created a net worth of close to $1M, which allowed me to step away from working for others and follow my dream.

All it required was a shift in mindset, a simple plan, resourcefulness, and a burning desire.

I believe that money is a great tool. When you make more money you can help more people, you have a chance to contribute more to this world, whether you do it through giving up your time, or donating money.

One of our highest needs as humans is to contribute, therefore it is my obligation to create more wealth so I can do more good in the world.

The way to wealth, is so simplistic, yet difficult to implement in our instant gratification culture. 

So, how did I do it?!

Firstly I challenged my subconscious money programming so that I could be open to receive abundance and prosperity.

With my programming re-wired I implemented the tools and strategies I already knew about but couldn’t stick to, like living below my means, paying myself first, track my money and create a clear and definite purpose for my money.

Most importantly, I got money to work for me!

This philosophy stuck with me after reading the book Rich Dad Poor Dad, by Robert Kiyosaki, but I didn’t really get it till my mindset was right. When I finally aligned my purpose with my actions, I realized that I would never work for someone else for the rest of my entire life.

That if I DID, it would be my CHOICE and not out of necessity.  This was a very DEEP Belief of mine that I had faith in, created a plan around, and executed.

I got clear and took action:

  • I figured out how much money I needed for my lifestyle
  • I set out a plan to create an asset base
  • I moved myself and my kids in with my parents
  • I didn’t replace my car after a few years, just to upgrade, in fact I still drive it today (and it’s 14 years old!)
  • I kept climbing the career ladder while I was working for others to increase my salary
  • I focused on building wealth, not looking wealthy
  • I executed the financial freedom plan in spite of fear!
  • I decided to use Real Estate as my Passive Income / Wealth Building vehicle & took risks when people told me I was crazy (love short term JVs!)
  • I took charge of my retirement plan
  • I made more smart investments

There are plenty other ways to create your wealth, but I do believe there are two things that stop people from achieving it:

One is that they feel like they must look the part, so they rush out to buy the branded clothes, latest gadgets, toys and big houses. Giving into instant gratification rather than long-term thinking.

The other is harder to detect, because it comes from their subconscious wiring. They are not worried about the looks, may even set savings goals, yet no matter what they set out to do, they end up sabotaging their efforts, due to their subconscious wiring.

Either way, there’s anxiety when it comes to dealing with money.

I fell into the latter group until I realized what was going on and I made a decision, that I would never put myself in that situation again!

What got me starting Unlimited Results is that I found that most people avoid their finances and buy because of feelings rather than necessities, while digging themselves further and further into debt.

Don’t get me wrong, I like nice things in my life! (Funnily enough when I was constantly broke I never spent any money on nice stuff!) But whatever you are doing right now to keep yourself in the famine state is to do with FEELINGS.

Until you can master them, you will not be able to master money.

So let me know, what are you doing to achieve financial freedom? What’s been challenging? What’s your biggest learning?

I’d love to hear from you!

Xoxo,

Orsolya

 

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Wisdom & Spirit

Embracing my Bonkers – The Ethos of a Healer

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The journey along my path has been the University degree that gave me the basis of my business.

My business is ME, or an extension of my passion for leading a spiritual life that brings authenticity, love, compassion, drive, determination and creativity.

But, honestly I did drag my feet with it..

it took so much longer to get here than it needed to.

Why?

…because I was afraid of being me.

I was afraid everyone would think I was ‘bonkers’.

Maybe I am, but nowadays what other people think about me is their stuff not mine.

So, once I got comfortable with my ‘bonkers’, once I began to love my ‘bonkers’, then I was motivated (like a steam train) to share my message.

Things happened fast once I did.

Part of my message is this:

Ethos of a Healer

When I say healer, I am using the word to group together anybody that works with others to help them feel more whole, more comfortable, more alive.

In my sector, that covers energy workers, empaths, intuitives, lightworkers, mediums, psychics and sensitives. All of those working consciously with energy.

What are your codes of practice?

I wonder if you’ve thought outside of, to help, to heal, to lift, to bring hope.

I say, and this may be controversial, this is not enough. To want to help and to want to heal, to feel called to serve are just the beginning of cleaning up your own act.

Here is what I say, this may trigger you, this may make you want to stop reading my posts… that’s ok.

I say, wanting to help, wanting to heal is your own need to be validated. Is your own need to heal your own soul.

This too is ok.

Unless it is unconscious, if you do not recognise this within yourself then you are not being the best channel of energy that you can be.

The Ethos of a Healer is to grow, to know themselves within and without. To be a clear channel, to stay grounded in the physical realm in order to facilitate energy. It is to know we are just a facilitator, to let go of any expectation and any need for an outcome of our work. To trust that the divine knows more than we do for ourselves and our clients.

All healers, must, continue to work on themselves. I don’t mean in terms of learning different modalities with which to express their healing gifts. I mean really working on themselves. Delving deep within to get to know themselves inside out, to keep digging, to keep bringing light into the shadow and to keep moving towards their potential as a human, as a soul and most importantly as a channel for spiritual energy.

Why do I say this, know this, feel this, because I’ve been there, I’ve done it, I’ve seen the movie and I’ve got the T-shirt.

When I began to heal others, it was to heal myself. I was acting selfishly in the guise of being selfless. My energy was often drained, and I burned out quickly.. this was because my channel wasn’t clear, I was in my own energy (unconsciously) because everyone was a mirror of my own shortcomings. All the people I felt I was helping were actually coming my way to show me what was going on inside myself….. at times, this was absolutely exhausting.

Then as I began to look within me, as I learned to connect to Mother Earth and actively sought out mentors, therapists and bodyworkers who helped me recognise myself in all of my clients.

I worked into my unconscious, into my spiritual connection and most importantly feelings of wholeness and self love. I continue to seek what I call ‘supervision’, in terms of my own growth and energetic expansion and will always do so. If you don’t you are doing yourself and your clients a disservice.

I know you want to be the best you can be for yourself and so that you can reach those that are looking for you to facilitate healing within them.

Investing in your own self growth, in looking at your inner world may seem like a luxury. IT IS NOT. It is a necessity and one that will keep you clear, stop burn out, raise your frequency and most importantly keep your vibration moving towards the higher levels.

You cannot look within effectively alone!

I know you think you can, you have all the tools, right? Well, know this, you cannot, you won’t be objective, you won’t hold yourself accountable and your unconscious patterns (they are unconscious so you don recognise them) will stay unconscious. We all need a mirror, a soundboard, someone to hold our hands.

This type of mentoring is key to your expansion and growth. This is my ethos and what I do with and for you.

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Personal Growth

Empowered – can we own it?

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I was reading an article in one of our national newspapers this week about a TV celebrity who said she felt very empowered when she got involved in stopping a dude mugging a tourist on one of our capital’s streets.

However in the midst of the sentence the word –  empowered, was enclosed by quotation marks while another feeling word in the same sentence was not.
 
While the TV host was feeling “empowered” after the incident, she said her afternoon ended on a bit of a downer.
 
Poor editing? A typo? Does ‘downer’ need to be called out?
 
I think it’s a little more than that.  I’ve seen it before.
 
I believe we have a bigger issue with the word ’empowered’. 

 
Perhaps it’s the fear that women are going to be out on the streets burning their bras again. Do we want to go back to the Women’s Rights Movement in the 1960’s?
For or against, we are seeing women take a stand again, albeit a very peaceful one, in marches in many major cities in January 2017.
 
Perhaps we struggle with the word ’empower’ because, we as women fear that we will become ball-breakers if we become too powerful. I used to have a mental-image of a ‘high-heeled bitch’ complete with 4″ heels, power suit and one who would make mashed potatoes out of most men and women around her when I thought of the word power.
 
Perhaps it’s simply because we don’t really know what empowered means and we’re afraid to claim it, to own it and perhaps it feels a little egotistical to say that we are, empowered.
 
Here’s my take on what Empowered means:
 
If you break down the word itself – Em-power-ed

Em
– as a prefix means :  put in or on

power
–  the ability to do something or act in a particular way, especially as a faculty or quality or the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events.
and of course if you add the suffix  ed at the end, it brings the additional meaning of:  it’s a done deal. You own it!
 

As with other feelings, there are typical behaviours, actions and thought patterns associated when we feel this way.

 
When we boil it down, when we feel empowered, it means that we will likely feel that we are good enough. It can be a time of embracing who we are as a person, listening to our inner critic voice less and caring less about what others think about us. After all, it’s just their opinion.
 

Feeling empowered tends to lead to better boundaries. What is a ‘yes’ and what is a ‘no’ for us become a lot clearer. It’s not that we don’t take others into consideration, but more a process of getting our own house in order first. After all, who else can do that for you? Welcome to being captain of your own ship.
 
Not only will we think differently, feeling empowered and having this clarity of thought will often trigger one to speak up. When you claim back your power, you’ll often find that without that power you have been tolerating some things that really don’t suit you. Being empowered is when you speak up for yourself, express and start to use your power, to negotiate and make changes so that there is more of you and what you desire in the equation.
 
Our empowered voice can sound a bit strong and perhaps bring feelings that are unsettling when we first hear it. Well hello there! where have you been all my life? Our empowered voice has a lot of wisdom, comes from our heart and is actually more highly-healed than the 4″ stiletto wearing type. Healed meaning simply that she’s coming from a good place and not acting out from a place of hurt.
 

And it’s not about the power, it simply becoming or uncovering who we truly are.
 
Feeling empowered settles in for the long haul in our psyche when we start believing in ourselves, our hopes, our dreams and our desires. It’s a wonderfully centered and grounded feeling, not at all airy fairy dreaming of winning lotto tickets or knights on horses to rescue us or retire us to being ladies of leisure.
No. Empowered is when we know what we want and we begin to co-create that life.
 

Empowered.
 
 
Because you know, you are worth it baby!
 

 

p.s: when I searched for an image for this blog, the words ‘power + woman’ brought back a myriad of sexily clad ladies, short skirts, low-cut tops, leather, skin tight jump-suits, 6″ heels etc.

Proves my point I guess that the word empowered is misunderstood or we have the wrong image of what it means to be.

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Innovation & Business

Is Authenticity a Trend?

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A little while ago, I heard someone say that authenticity would be a huge trend these days. And if you google it, you will find some evidence. It is used in the context of fashion, architecture, furniture, food (Belgian chocolate!) branding and advertising and as a trend to watch these days.
For someone like me who values authenticity as a basic life principle, my reaction was “aarrgh – how can this just be a trend like some seasonal fashion trend? My reaction was rather fierce, so let’s have a look at what might be going on.

Authenticity a concept with varied meanings

Apparently, the term “authenticity” is a popular concept with varied meanings.
It is true; authenticity became quite a buzz word, and it is heard more frequently in the context of business, marketing, coaching and self-development and maybe even more.” You need to be authentic; your marketing must be authentic, be true to yourself and everything will be fine” is what I see and read frequently. I don’t want to belittle these statements; there is some meaning behind it. But on some occasions, it sounds like a demand to behave in a certain way in order to achieve something.

Misunderstanding as a formula

Authenticity might be misunderstood as a strategy or formula one can apply and after some time, it will be replaced by another strategy. From my perspective, authenticity is a much more broad principle touching on many areas of life and humanity. Being authentic refers to being real, honest, upright, sincere and trustworthy vs. being false, unfaithful, manipulative or a cookie-cutter version of someone else.

What it is

On an individual level, the meaning of being authentic is about how well we manage our inner world within the struggles we experience in the outer world while trying to stay true to what matters to us. So what matters to us? Everyone of us – whether we are aware of it or not – has a set of life-guiding values that drive our intentions and actions (think integrity, freedom, kindness, reliability, integrity, giving value, responsibility…) that are the standards of what is important to us.

The foundations for value & success

I refer a lot to business-related issues. Therefore, I firmly believe that authenticity is the new currency of real value in our society. In my opinion, this especially holds true in business along with being able to succeed really in what you do as a business owner.
In fact, it is quite simple, even though the realisation may take some time and effort. An authentic business is a business that matches who you are with your values, standards, beliefs and aspirations. When you are in alignment with what you do and what you have to offer, you are serving from a place of authentic care and engagement. In other words, you are an expert in what you do while loving what you do and serving your customers.

The new normal

We live in the information age where a lot of inauthentic superficial sales stuff with a lot of hype around it is broadcasted. That’s “Nothenticity”. As our lives and businesses are also influenced by mega trends of individuality and community, people crave for connection, realness and meaning. Being authentic in what we do and what we have to do offer is a simple but yet purposeful concept to fulfill this need.
I really want to see authenticity as a long-term trend that transforms the way we do business, the way we live on this planet and the way we serve humanity. Let’s make it a movement that puts authenticity as the new “normal” instead of some trendy concept that needs explanation.
I am curious, where did you come across authenticity, what does it mean to you and your business? Let me know via the comments!

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Personal Growth

Manifesting Requires a Sensational & Vivid Visualization

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I love, love the act of visualizing. We can close our eyes and create a vision of what we want in our future. We might even spend time visualizing what we want to manifest into our life.

There is a fine art to the act of visualization for the purpose of manifestation and it requires using all five of your senses to get it right. No skimping because what you want to create needs to have feelings, colours, scents, tastes, movement and texture. It has to be the whole package or you’re just going to create a small portion of what you really want.

I had a lovely client recently who was struggling with the whole process of visualizing and had come to the conclusion that it was a crock. Some woo-woo crap that people were pretending to use but weren’t really.

We had a heartfelt discussion about what it was she so desperately wanted and dug down to the details. Her dream was a safe and secure home for her and her children. She had recently left an abusive relationship and just wanted a home.

In her visualization, she would create a picture of a lovely house with a lawn and a front door that was just for her and her kids. She would focus on the house and use encouraging words about how she could and would make this happen. It was important to her and it had to happen.

Her vision was one-dimensional – the house. There was no feelings, or smells or textures to give her dream depth.

I took her through a visualization exercise that fired all five of her senses. You can ask yourself these questions or create your own. The idea is to get your vision to pop! Make a movie of what you want to manifest and run that movie every day.

Questions to create a full-blown 3-dimensional movie:

What colour is the house? See the different colours in the sunlight. Are there shadows from the trees?

Does it have shutters? Or a fancy mailbox? Add individual elements that reflect your taste and style.

When you walk in the front door, what do you feel? What do you see? Who comes to greet you? Can you hear music? Or laughter? Or silence?

What do you smell? How does it make you feel?

Walk through the house to the living room and sit on the couch. Relax your shoulders. breath deeply and feel the texture of the fabric. Is it soft? Bumpy? Warm and comforting?

Stand up and walk through the house. Room by room. At each doorway, pause to enjoy looking in the room. Notice the tiny things that make it your home. Continue walking and moving through the house to the backdoor.

Walk outside and use all your senses to see, feel, hear, taste and smell all that nature has provided. The gentle breeze in the leaves. The smell of the grass. The colours of the flowers. Relax and notice how how calm and peaceful you feel.

This is your home and it’s filled with everything your heart desires. It’s bright and colourful and filled with emotions, people, smells, textures and motion.

Now that’s a sensational and vivid visualization. To your healthy, vibrant and successful manifesting future.

 

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Wisdom & Spirit

Bad Endings Are A Safe Outcome

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Bad Endings Are a Safe Outcome

One of the most important parts of the work I do with my clients is to reverse any self-limiting beliefs they are holding in their minds. It is vital to clear these if they have any chance of achieving their desired goals of good health, abundance, great relationships, fulfilment and…happiness.

The beliefs we hold create our reality. How we see ourselves, others and the world depends on what is going on in our minds. Our level of our ability to achieve, survive and thrive is set even before we act physically. A few weeks ago, I found a particular disastrous belief showing up in the minds of several clients over a couple of days. The energetic vibration of this particular belief was high and active on the global level, in the collective consciousness. The belief was;

‘Bad endings are a safe outcome’

This got me asking the question, why? My thought processes and the answers that came from this question are what this article is all about.
What would lead many people to hold this belief? Our minds create beliefs based on our previous experiences. The number one job of our minds is to keep us safe from perceived danger to our survival. So if our minds see a bad ending as a safe outcome, it follows that the threat must come from a good outcome. But why should that be? The more I thought about it, the more I realised that our whole lives are set up for disasters.

Day after day, what do you see on the Internet news, the television, hear on the popular channels? Disasters, trauma, horror. The media is grooming us to expect despair, helplessness, anger, doom and fear. Do you even realise how many years this has been going on for? News has become Bad News. Our minds respond to symbols so they are very powerful. Archetypes are psychological universal themes that we all respond to, and act as symbols. The great Psychologist Karl Jung knew the power that these themes have on our behaviour. All news is based on drama. There is a Villain, a Victim and several other characters like the Expert, the Rebel, the Hero, the Sidekick. You will find them in any film, TV series, play, novel. They create an almost trance-like state in us; the best time for suggestibility to happen as any good Hypnotherapist knows. All news contains these Archetypes and they are deeply embedded into our psyche. We respond on the unconscious level often without even knowing what is happening to us. The news promotes the habit of unhappiness.

Then there is the way we value people in society. material possessions and financial wealth have been seen as the confirmation of a successful life for a very long time. The feudal system has been based on this. The rich had everything and the poor were serfs answering their every need. People were there to be exploited, whatever they had to offer, their bodies, skills, knowledge, lives and deaths. Over the centuries, most people have experienced unfair lives, inequality, pain, disappointment and suffering. You just have to watch any history programme to see it laid out in searing details. What a sad tale to tell for such a beautiful planet!

We are programmed to expect disaster. And now here we are in this enlightened age trying to overturn it all. So many are talking about how to use the Law of Attraction, the Secret, that we should all turn our lives around and suddenly become satisfied, peaceful and…happy. But if we don’t address the reality of what we have inherited from the past, how do we build this hoped for future? And the fact is that most people can’t do it. The few we hear about who have achieved it, are mostly the ones writing the books, doing the webinars, appearing on the Youtube videos. But my question is, how many people are holding this belief?

Try saying the belief out loud:

‘Bad endings are a safe outcome’

Without allowing your mind to jump in and tell you this is rubbish, sit with it and see how your body responds. Does it fit on some deep level, or are your resisting against it?

My next question is, why would our minds view happiness as a threat to our survival? On the surface it seems so odd and illogical…

It Takes Courage to be Happy

It may seem a strange thing to say that it takes courage to be happy, but it is true. The reason it takes courage is because we are so used to life being a challenge and we have been taught by history and our own lives, that it will always have to be that way. But the truth is that we create our own reality.

‘What we believe is what we perceive, achieve and receive.’

It is entirely up to us personally whether we live an unhappy life or are brave enough to try out happiness. It is totally our own responsibility. In our personal lives, we have all been in the wars, suffered disappointments, disaster, harshness, exploitation, love pain and gone through the fallout of those experiences. Nobody escapes because we are here to learn the deeper wisdom inherent in the human condition. When we experience these hard times, we tend to behave reactively. We suffer from anxiety, doubt, depression, anger and all the other distressing emotions which we can feel as human beings. We may even become physically ill and have pain in our bodies. But the one thing that knits all of our reactive behaviours together is that they are familiar. That is why we have the expression ‘better the devil you know’ Our distressing emotions are the ‘devils we know’. How much more scary to contemplate a feeling which most people experience as fleeting…happiness.

By accepting happiness, we are stepping into unknown territory. What happens when a challenging situation arises and instead of getting angry or upset, we choose to go inside ourselves and see the blessing and lesson which this experience is showing to us? That takes courage. It takes courage to open yourself up to the possibility that life does not have to be a struggle. It is much easier to expect the struggle, ‘the devil you know.’ And so let’s look at the scenario of what happens when we think about the possibility of being permanently happy. The kind of thoughts that may be going through our minds. OK so I am happy, this feels good but what happens now? Can I cope with smiling all of the time? How long can this state last? Isn’t it inevitable that I will feel unhappy again? How do I respond to someone else telling me about their pain? Will other people accept me being happy all of the time or will I be judged, seen as weird? Will they think me unsympathetic to the perceived state the world is in? Do I need distressing emotions like anxiety, fear and anger any more? You see, in order to take on the habit of happiness, we have to create a whole new set of responses, mentally, emotionally and physically. We are simply not used to it.

So the mind views happiness as an unknown quantity, new territory and that is scary. It views it as a threat to our survival. Anything it views as a threat, it will do its utmost to stop us from experiencing. That is why this belief exists in so many minds.

I mentioned that I picked up this theme in the global collective consciousness at the beginning of this article. How do I know this? Because in my work, I often find that on the same day clients in Australia, the UK, USA, Saudi Arabia and several other countries are holding the same thought patterns, beliefs, emotional states and even physical complaints. This goes cross-culture, cross-sex, cross-age, cross-distance. We have to start taking this seriously. Forget personal…it just got global! The fact is that the more people can be successfully happy, the easier it will be for everyone else. Because the happiness vibration will be changing the collective consciousness state across the planet. That is why we need to re-write our relationship with happiness and get good at it.

So I would like to share 3 top tips for how to get started, even before you open another book about manifestation, the Law of Attraction, Ascension or any other sophisticated consciousness tool. Let us start with the basics, the foundation and then we can build up our happiness muscle, develop the

Habit of Happiness

1)Start by checking yourself for the following self-limiting beliefs…
It is safe for me to be happy
I deserve to be happy
I give myself permission to be happy

Say them out loud. If the words get stuck in your throat, you feel a drop in your energy, a block, a resistance, anxious, your heart feels like it is shutting, your Earth Chakra locks down, it is highly likely that you do not believe them.

2) Start to observe where a negative belief is playing out in your life. Notice your patterns of thinking and once you know your triggers, make a choice to respond in a determinedly different way, a happy way. Either do this instinctively or plan how you want to respond and do that. The more you do this, the more your mental pathways will adjust. Neutrons that fire together, wire together. This is called Neuroplasticity. Our minds are very malleable if we know the right tools to work with them.

2) See if you can pick the Archetypes out next time you watch the news and notice how you respond to them. It is an eyeopening experience to see what is happening to you outside of the content of the stories. Notice how you respond to these Archetypes, what thoughts and emotions do they trigger in you. Become aware of their effect on you, how can you change that effect?

If you need help with any of this, contact me and book some Life Retuning so we can get you out of the starting blocks and onto the track to develop the Habit of Happiness.

[email protected]

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Wisdom & Spirit

High Functioning Depression – It’s Real

High Functioning Depressive

It’s Friday 12.20pm, I’m still in bed watching TV not finding the motivation to get up, shower and get a cup of tea or breakfast let alone work. I haven’t showered in 2 days nor have I cooked a healthy meal for myself. That’s not a one time thing for me…these days it’s the norm and it’s not pretty. Things that other people take for granted are a real struggle for me. Routine, structure and rules all the things Entrepreneurs want to escape…Right now I’m desperately longing for them and toying with the idea of getting a ‘real’ job again with colleagues annoying me. Yes, I have the freedom to work wherever and whenever I want. Sometimes, that’s the problem. I have no reason to get up in the morning and go to work, I can sit around in yoga pants all day, go for coffee or go to the movies during the day. As long as I get the work done for my clients done I’m fine. No one will notice.

Hi I’m Christine, a business owner, wife and high functioning depressive. Yes there’s such a thing. The words high functioning and depressive can co-exist in the same sentence and are not mutually exclusive.

Sometimes I wonder about all the things I could achieve if I could function like a ‘normal’ person. I try not to though as it just hurts to think of all the things that don’t get done, because I just can’t find the motivation to do them. The heavy feeling of knowing you can achieve them, yet you can’t ‘cause there’s this invisible thing holding me back.

Don’t get me wrong, I know I am achieving a lot. To the outside world I have it all. A husband, a lovely house we just moved into, a business that does well enough, lots of interests and talents. And all of these things are true and I’m eternally grateful and count my blessings every day, but on the inside it’s a whole different story.

I love being an entrepreneur but for me It’s a catch-22 situation. I know structure, routine and rules would be good for me, yet I know that I wouldn’t be able to hold down a ‘real’ job again. I love the freedom that I have, meeting and working with people from all over the world and doing things that I want to do rather than what a boss tells me to. Elizabeth Gilbert calls it a ‘shit sandwich’ in her book ‘Big Magic’ that you have to eat when you live out your passion as a job. You’ve got to really love that ‘shit sandwich’ a lot to eat it every day.

Every Entrepreneur knows what I’m talking about. You need to equipped with a very strong mindset, perseverance and unlimited belief and passion in what you do.  And I do love what I do, but some days are easier than others. So here’s to me eating my shit sandwich and taking it one day at a time dealing with the positive and negative aspects of being a high functioning depressive.

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Personal Growth

You Are Not Your Trauma

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The Truth About Your Trauma – Part One

This a story about trauma. I have become dedicated to learning about this since discovering how much of it I have in my body. Going deep within to discover and heal my trauma has been an essential part of my growth and stepping into the next greatest version of myself, to becoming strong in body, courageous in mind and connected in spirit. My trauma has been blocking my way to becoming whole.

Because I am extremely passionate about helping women, I am committed to helping others work through these same barriers to live the greatest life possible.

I am a survivor of severe emotional trauma that wounded me deeply. I have held a lot of feelings like anger, rage and resentment. I’ve been angry for a very long time and I have been living as a shadow of my greatness because of the emotional wounding that I have have stored in my body. Until recently when I started a process of emotional de-armouring I didn’t understand or know how deep within it was but through healing I’ve been able to begin healing.

Trauma may have caused you to have grown up believing you aren’t worthy of love, success, emotional connection or of being seen; because of that there is no possibility of living life the life you deserve. That doesn’t mean you won’t experience happiness. Imagine a ship trying to move forward while at anchor – that’s what your trauma is doing to you, it’s holding you back from becoming the next greatest version of yourself every single day.

In part one of this article we will discuss what trauma, wounding and armouring is. Then in part two we will visit how to start healing.

 

What is Trauma?

Trauma is a endless echo of pain that brings you back to wounding that was caused by any type physical, emotional or spiritual suffering. It is any type of hurt, shock, violation or pain that has caused you to feel sad, upset, angry, resentful, guilty, embarrassed or hollow. I know the term trauma is usually associated with violence or severe emotional cruelty but it can be so much more subtle and complicated than that.

Trauma can arise from any situation that creates fear and the subsequent wounding can go deep into your unconscious mind nervous system and unconscious mind. That wounding can cause painful emotions and, negative thoughts or beliefs. Maybe you feel that you aren’t a good person, or that you should be ashamed of who you are, that you should hide from the world or that you would be happier if you were someone else, that no one loves you, that it would be better if you weren’t alive, that you aren’t beautiful or talented, that you’re invisible (or want to be), and often it can make you think that you don’t deserve happiness or success. These stories can run subconsciously and continue to cause us every day without having any awareness of them.

You might be thinking that you can’t remember any physical or emotional abuse? Well, trauma can be incredibly subtle or indirect. It also may have happened before you could remember, or, maybe you’ve forced it out of your conscious memory when you disconnected from the freeze response. There are times when we are particularly vulnerable and something that one person said once can dig deep into our soul causing a wound that is still hanging out within us.

Whatever caused the trauma, however slight or severe you perceive it to be honour it for what it is because once you acknowledge it, you can heal it.

 

Armour – Fight Flight & Freeze

Armour is a deeply internalized memory of trauma, its an emotional and energetic shield that builds up within the body. Although it’s considered energetic it often causes a physical response when there is a reminder of that trauma. The armour protects you by igniting the fight, flight or (at the last level) freeze response.

For example, if you experienced a lot of severe anger and fighting in your home that caused a lot of fear during childhood then your response to fighting as an adult may exactly mimic the way your body responded back in 1985. It might cause you to get angry and want to argue and defend yourself (fight), it might cause fear and make you want to run away (flight) or, it might bring up so much trauma that you might be paralyzed in fear and consciously disconnect from feeling the pain (freeze). Have you ever blamed yourself for something that happened to you? Feel that you should have stopped it or reacted differently? Your brain may have been blocking you from making that choice because these action of these 3 responses can override our decision making to protect us.

Armouring causes you to be very reactive to anything that reminds your unconscious mind and nervous system of that trauma. Note that you might not even have a conscious memory of that situation, but the physical response is energetically locked into your cells and your energetic and emotional body.

Have you ever had a severe reaction to something and couldn’t understand where it came from? It was so reactive that you couldn’t control it? Your armour could be activating that fight, flight and freeze response. Addictions can also be triggered by armouring because it can be a way to disconnect from the suffering. This armour acts as protection from the possibility of experiencing the trauma again, and prevents you from revisiting the pain the trauma caused. By activating the fight, flight and freeze response you will be fighting off, getting away from or, disconnecting from something that causes harm. It also protects you from feeling the pain caused by the initial trauma, at least until it rears up when you are next triggered.

The major problem with all this is that the brain doesn’t know the difference between real and perceived threat, although you may not be at risk as an adult, the mere shadow of something that caused the trauma (even a thought or memory) can take the body right back to when that trauma occurred to trigger a response and get you away from potential harm.

Energetic and emotional armour can cause you to disconnect from the pain, internalize it and prevent expression of your emotions (leading to more internalized emotions and explosions). It can cause you to disconnect from the present which means that you may not be receiving the transmission of good things around you as well. Armouring builds up over time, especially with repeated trauma and can block your energy.

 

Where Does it Begin?

When we are conceived we are a pure soul, a blank canvas you could say. Even as we develop in the womb we begin absorbing the emotions of our parents, particularly our mother who we are physically and energetically in connection with.
Studies have shown that stress levels and mindset of the pregnant mother do have an effect a child early and even later in life (which seems a bit unfair on us as offspring or as parents right?)

Then we come earthside and conditioning (which sometimes can be traumatic in itself) begins moment we are born. From the moment we make our first cry it is being judged by those around us and we are conditioned in a positive or negative way. As we grow we inherit the belief systems, values and mindsets from our parents. We also begin to absorb their emotions, insecurities, triggers and even wounds. Sometimes these experiences can deepen from conditioning into abuse, especially when parents are inflicting their own conditioning and pain onto us.

Just like with the term trauma, abuse is associated with violence and excessive emotions like anger but, abuse can be ANYTHING that makes you feel like less of a person, anything that causes pain, anything takes away from your wholeness, your power or the experience of joy. A family member telling you that they hate you or that you’re stupid can be extremely traumatic for a small child, a mother always telling her daughters she’s fat can create long term body issues for a young girl, a parent who isn’t coping and yelling at her kids can teach that expressing emotions leads to more pain. These are situations that can cause deep wounds which may last a lifetime unless we choose to actively heal those ingrained beliefs and trauma.

Abuse can be inflicted by anyone from parents to siblings, partners, teachers or even friends. An abuser doesn’t usually make a conscious choice to hurt someone. They may believe they are acting out of love, they may be parenting or connecting in the way they were taught to interact with the world, maybe there was no love in their life so they don’t know express love, or  they may have so much pain inside them it erupts out onto the world and those around them. It doesn’t mean they are bad people. They may not even be aware that what they are (or aren’t) saying or doing is actually hurtful!

How that person is treating you is possibly (almost probably) the way they were spoken to or treated at some stage in their life and they have been conditioned to that abuse, or, they are acting out of their own wounding. How people treat you has a lot to do with their own trauma and wounds.

 

Pain Bleeds Pain

Everything projects. EVERYTHING. The good, the bad and the ugly. If we aren’t aware, if we don’t acknowledge and deal with our trauma, wounds and armour, we won’t ever release it and heal into wholeness.

When we consciously or unconsciously avoid embracing our shadows our pain is driven deeper and deeper within us. The further it goes, the bigger it gets and soon our vessel can no longer contain it and so it bleeds out into everyone and everything around us.

This shows itself as emotional outbursts, creation of drama, anger, resentment, jealousy, addictions, people who love us saying mean and hurtful things, the abused becoming the abuser.

It can be that someone who had a need that wasn’t served later in life doing everything they can to drive that need away, or someone who was always told they weren’t good enough then later in life commanding the role they are better than others (even their children), it can be someone who was horrifically abused finding they only way they can release that pain is to do the same thing to others.

People who are in pain sometimes subconsciously want to create pain in others because it causes them more pain to see everyone else happy.  The way they deal with that is to bring down the vibration to make themselves feel better. This is a cycle that is passed down from generation to generation and that in itself is traumatic. It’s time to shift this and stop the cycle!

Are you angry at someone who hurt you? Understand that each person has their own story, their own experiences, their own wounds and own self talk running. Feel into where the suffering is within them, open to the awareness that every single person does their very best at all times and in that moment that’s all that they could be.

Understanding their suffering doesn’t make what they have done okay and, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be sorry for how they have hurt you however where this helps is that it enables you to begin releasing the attachment to negative emotions about it. When you start to have compassion and understand your pain is their pain you begin the journey to dissolving the wounds attached to the trauma caused by them. When  you start to feel into their suffering you will come to a place of compassion rather than anger and resentment which I’ll bet is more at truth with your soul than being angry. Having empathy doesn’t mean you need to inflict yourself with people who are toxic to you yet it brings a peace that will help aide in the healing process.

You might not be able to fix the world, heal the abused, make someone else deal with their own pain there’s this universal law of like-attracts-like which means that when you begin to heal you raise awareness and give others permission to do the same.

 

Who’s to Blame?

Humans naturally want to blame others when something goes wrong or we don’t want to deal with something. But here’s the thing; is a distraction from dealing with the real issue – our trauma.

Blame is a victim mindset which prevents you from taking ownership of the present moment and will prevent healing. Blame helps no one, it doesn’t serve, blame doesn’t trigger the abuser into being regretful or apologetic (in fact the opposite can happen and the protective defense mindset pops up). Blame will make you feel WORSE and it serves NO ONE.
You might not be able to control what happens to you but you DO have power over your mindset and your reaction to your circumstances.

You can do that through the power of self awareness, through a commitment to own your life, to shift a negative mindset, to heal your wounds no matter how painful. By the time we reach adulthood we have power over our life and that includes the power to deal with our shadows and heal our wounds.

 

Don’t Judge Your Level Of Trauma

Don’t judge your own trauma and wounding. Who are we to put judgment on whether something is bad enough? or decide we shouldn’t be in pain because ‘others go through worse things’ (the sole purpose of that statement is avoidance)

We are so good at comparing ourselves but this is really a time to step away from this. Each and every soul on this planet is different. Not one of us has had the same upbringing, vibration of love from those who care for us and experiences. Not one person thinks the same and feels the same way and that’s because we are all here serving different missions on different paths in different ways.

How deeply we feel anything is about perception and although you might kick your toe into the side of the sofa and not feel a thing, someone else may stub their toe in the exact same spot and feel terrible pain. Our emotional and spiritual pain is no different. Don’t judge! don’t look to someone else and compare your situation to theirs. Don’t put judgment on how much pain you yourself are in, if there’s any pain it should be dealt with. Focus on yourself, own what you feel and make a commitment to yourself to heal you.
It’s time, you’re beautiful, you’re special and you deserve a beautiful life that brings you joy. Release the judgement beautiful soul, you’re in pain and that’s okay because you have an innate ability to heal in your mind, body and spirit.

 

The Journey to Healing

Are you ready to heal?

First comes awareness. Many people avoid awareness because it’s just too painful and once aware we need to take ownership for it. That’s okay, your brain is protecting you but now we can start making conscious choices to write a new story.

Start now by exploring who you are, by checking in with yourself morning, noon and night. Keep a journal and write down how you are feeling. Make an effort to step away from the mind speak and go into your body to explore what you FEEL. Feelings are your truth, not the s*** your mind says.
In part two we will discuss what you can do now. If you’re ready to start stepping into your greatest version then you can do it gently or, you can run into it fully.

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Language of Love

“Hi Old Person!”

physical touch

“Hi Old Person!”

Sometimes you are presented with situations that are just too powerful to ignore. The message touches you in a way that lights that flame of curiosity, but ignites the good in humanity, when there is so much negativity, destruction and sadness around us on a daily basis.

I was touched by a recent news story of unconditional acceptance and the power of human connection because of the relevance to my own life and my ageing family members. I began to wonder about the ageing population. Not because of “What do we do with our seniors?”, but “How can we tap into this resource to enrich our youth?”

But even deeper than that, I began to question the healing ability and the power of the human spirit through connection. I know that this is not a new concept, however, it is not a general topic in a “younger” person’s life, and in my opinion, it is needed.

Norah Wood, a young four year old from Augusta Georgia, recently demonstrated to the world that our innate desire for human connection has power beyond any manufactured behaviour. While grocery shopping with her mother Tara, at a local Publix store, Norah reached out to a widower of six months, Dan Preston (82), whose wife Mary had passed suddenly, leaving him in a state of depression, with no purpose or desire to live. I am sure that we have many seniors in our communities who are experiencing such loss. The question is, what are we going to do about it?

“Hi old person. It is my birthday today, can I have a hug?”

Simple really……. And from a four year old. No agenda. No expectations. No hesitation. A lesson in itself.

Dan responded openly and described the experience as lifesaving. The power of human connection. Openly giving of one’s self to another, without reservation. I love the simplicity of this. And to learn that this innocent act has led to Dan and Norah (and families), giving and receiving, sharing and living connected lives. There is purpose and there is meaning.

Why this was so powerful is because of a variety of reasons, in particular when looking at the tech-saturated world and the affects that this has on the non-sexual touch between human beings. We simply forget to physically engage, and if not careful, will lead to obsolete behaviour which distinguishes us from other species. Touch is a fundamental importance in developing emotional and physical wellbeing and we need this to thrive.  Does it really take a four year old girl to remind us of this?

So, how does this really affect me? Well, I am now even more aware of my surroundings, which include those in my family and extended community who are either facing a similar loss or feeling as though they have no purpose. I see these people as a gift and an untapped resource, full of stories, experiences, life lessons, skills, wisdom, culture and even love to share with all ages in our communities.

Physical touch is the foundational element of human development and culture. The growing preoccupation with digital media versus personal physical contact, combined with the social and legal restrictions over physical contact in our schools and workplaces, may unintentionally affect these factors. To foster a safe social environment in a climate of mediated communication, we should intentionally hold on to physical touch”. (www.psychologytoday.com/basics/environment)

It is time to clean the dirty windows and let that light in, contribute to humanity with dignity and respect and find those meaningful connections with our ageing population, Be a Norah. Let go of what we think our purpose in life is and experience what it actually can be. Be impulsive. Think, live and breathe that child within. How liberating this must feel.

Thank you, Norah.

 

https://au.tv.yahoo.com/sunrise/video/watch/34243149/little-girls-life-saving-relationship-with-elderly-widower/#page1

Leah Rando

B.A Ed BEd

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Wisdom & Spirit

Burning Desire

fire banner

I have been playing in my dreams, a great and grand vision for my life for a few years now at this new level of playing. I’m investing in myself and in my business. I know what I know and I know that I don’t know. But I’m not sure I can see what I don’t know I don’t know – if you follow my drift.

My journey has been spotty, actually. I’ll get all excited about building up my clientele, creating courses and programs and then get distracted and go on a vacation or move across country. It’s been an interesting phenomenon. One I’ve talked with people about. Part of the challenge is actually a blessing. My husband is retired and he like to adventure. Of course, I’m all in support of that! Here’s a picture of us at a sacred temple in Bali last year.

So it appears that every time get really close to a breakthrough, a trip appears on my horizon. I have a story that I can’t do both; that my energy gets diverted and then things slow down or stop.

I’ve also discovered beliefs about not wanting to work so hard, beliefs about making lots of money, beliefs about who and how I think I should be in the world.

I’ve been playing with the practice of “What would I love” for a couple of years. Somedays, I simply don’t know. Other times it is crystal clear.

My story about that is great, too. Would you like to hear it?  A few years ago, I had a calling and I followed it. I was called out of ministry and into a deep spiritual process/journey/initiation. I thought I was going on a 3 month sabbatical – that turned into a 15 month journey of surrender. I surrendered everything from material items, my home, my job and career to my beliefs and emotions that lingered in my awareness and unconscious. What came for me was a complete emptiness. No desires, no needs, no wants, simply Spirit. It was exhilarating, expansive and quite freeing.

As I re-entered the world I discovered I was changed. Yes, I have desires, yes I have visions and dreams, but I don’t live with a burning desire around those, (at least up until this morning).

I realized that the burning desire is the missing piece. The burning desire for something is the exact medicine that will move you forward in action, keep you making appropriate choices even when you don’t want to; and fuel the journey from where you are to where you want to be.

For example, if I have a vision and dream of being a globally recognized transformation speaker and catalyst and I don’t have a burning desire for that, what happens is I stay on my couch dreaming of it. It will be pretty hard to be recognized if I don’t take the action necessary to be visible.

If I have a burning desire, I will do whatever it takes, every single day to move in the direction of my dream. If I have a burning desire, I will get out there, even when the beach is calling or a relaxing day at the pool seems more appealing.

If I have a burning desire, I will do whatever it takes, every day.

If I have a loose dream, it’s easy to change my mind, to make a different choice, to waffle around, changing my mind every few minutes or months about what I think I might love.

Can you feel the difference? Can you feel the power of the burning desire?

Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich speaks to this as the one essential key to all dreams. I’ve read it before, many times, in fact, but I just simply haven’t have a strong enough desire until now.

Today, I activate a burning desire, from the depths of my soul. I have a burning desire for equality, for compassion, for kindness.  Today, as so many women and men march throughout our nation and even the world, I stand for LOVE, for equality, for abundance and safely and support for ALL people!

The burning desire would have gotten me up and out of bed earlier, would have gotten me to clear my calendar and be available, even when the weather forecast was for cold rain. Instead, I choose to keep my previously scheduled appointments and take a stand by writing and supporting those out there marching.

I’m so incredibly proud of all who are marching. (Well, truthfully, I’m not proud of all of them but I am proud of all who are marching FOR. There are notably those who are marching against and I’m not there. I don’t want to focus on that which I do not want, only that which I want to see more of.)

Perhaps you are one who has a dream, but hasn’t quite yet achieved it. Perhaps you are one who knows deep within your heart what you desire, but haven’t found the vehicle or pathway to achieve it.

I say to you – find the fire in your belly. It might be for what you think it is for, or it might be something entirely different. Find the fire. Tend the fire. Let it burn in and through you and you will be transformed and empowered to reach your dreams.

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